Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
