Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My cat gives me a boner
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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