I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The power of my boobs compel you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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