Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize