I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
