You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
