when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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