i would punch a child for taco bell
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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