I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
