Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i think im in europe. pls send help
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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