do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
