Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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