I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
