I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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