Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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