it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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