First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
