my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
