If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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