I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
