the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There are leaves in my underwear?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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