I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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