it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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