my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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