Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
