yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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