I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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