Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
