Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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