i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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