I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
