I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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