I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
