Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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