Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
