my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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