I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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