dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
