If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
