We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
