Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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