Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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