He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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