so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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