just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
