i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
