none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
3 2 1 whiskey
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
