Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
