uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize