I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
