fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
