Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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