By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize