i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Panties = found
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
