a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
