I think my vagina is haunted
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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