I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize