Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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