Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize