you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
