My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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