Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
