I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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