Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
