I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
