You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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