now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
