Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
