i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize