i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
