Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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