It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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