my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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