you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize