I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
