2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
