Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
