Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He better not be in your backpack
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
