I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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