A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
