The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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