i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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