Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize