So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
