yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dick very happy bro
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
