This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
