I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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