"it" just moved
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
