Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize