Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
