mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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