and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
