no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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