i don't like sucking hair
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
