There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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