Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize