TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
