I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
