he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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