I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
