Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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