Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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