So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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