maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
