Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize