You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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