I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
