yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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