god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize