We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
