The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
