my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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