If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
